Support Group Time: Do you NEED to be NEEDED?
I'm doing this introspection thing, trying to figure out why that little family reunion/vacation messed me up so badly. So I'm laying around the house the other day, trying to shake this flu bug, sniffling, coughing, wheezing, feverish, and wanting someone to talk to. Just... talk.
Called Hubby (he's out of town on weekdays) but he couldn't talk. Promised he'd call me back right away, but he forgot.
That really hurt.
Went online. Facebook. Twitter. Even my blog. Nobody to talk with.
My Kid, well, he shouldn't be burdened with a whiney mom.
Didn't like to impose on my new neighbors.
Most of my family was ... well, not open to in-depth analytical discussions. Plus it's still really raw from things that happened on the trip.
Why did I want, no, feel like I needed to have contact with someone? Was it just because I felt miserable and feverish? Did I want comfort? Did I want just the sound of a friendly voice? A typed message "I care"? Was it to help prevent me from binging (which I kinda did anyway)? Was it just loneliness?
Was it because I always felt so alone, being in the middle of us three sisters, but being left out of most conversations? Always wondering what my sisters were talking about. Or why people stopped talking when I came in the room.
Wow. That sounded paranoid.
Maybe ... was it because I'm always the one, in any and all relationships, who makes the phone call to keep the relationship going, making the first, second and third moves? Finally giving up when I see the futility.
Aw, geez, am I that bad at relationships?
Asked these questions of myself, but so far, I'm still pondering possible answers.
Have YOU thought about ... do YOU need to be needed? If so, why?
Believe me, I could use the insight.
Feel free to comment anonymously if you'd like.
p.s. Still have the flu plus a sinus infection. Doc appt tomorrow (Wednesday). And by the way, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the shoes in this post: http://lorettasjourney.blogspot.com/2010/11/day-460-shoodles-for-toon-tuesday.html
Yet another delay - I honestly started back on my writing, while preparing to get the house ready to sell and monitoring my son's epilepsy ... then it happened. Another lump ...