Hot 100 Update

Support Group Time: What do you feel most guilty about?


Here's my weekly update:

(1) Kid still alive; did NOT commit suicide and only talked about it once. Meds doing great, and we have more therapy coming up. PLUS found out that AMC theaters around the country are having a special viewing of the latest installment of the Chronicles of Narnia for autistic children, with lights up, sound down, and the rules relaxed so kids can jump and dance and have fun and be themselves ... so we're planning on having a fun morning this Saturday.

(2) Exercised a little: for about a week, boogied when waiting for water to heat up in the microwave, also while feeding the livestock (boy you should see me dance around with chickens following me like the Pied Piper with a baggie full of bread!), exercycled last night for 30 minutes AND rearranged furniture upstairs.

(3) Writing: Didn't get a LOT done, but did do some. Mostly research on OCD and autistic teens and how to take care of them. Not going to bring in money, but maybe I can get an e-book out of it. Later.

Things are looking a little bit better with the Kid. Wish I could get back to eating healthy but I'm just hanging on here. Enticing the Kid with gluten-free mini pumpkin pies, favorite berries, and more. Preventing "suicide by starvation" here!

Hmmm... wonder if the Kid decided on that as the preferred method of suicide BECAUSE I'm fat and sees me struggling with food. Oh no, I can't think about that now. That's just more guilt.

Nope. Not now.

I haven't really slept well in like 5-6 years, and it's getting worse. I average about 3-5 hours a night, and those aren't restful hours. My prescribed sleeping pills don't help and I'm too claustrophobic for my CPAP machine. I get migraines 2-5 times a week but on the upside, those meds DO put me to sleep for a few hours. Ahhh..

Last night I got about 3 hours of sleep, and it really wasn't restful so when my chickens started sqwaking at 7:14, it was no big deal for me to get up and look in on them. (They're mad because I took 2 from one pen and put them in another last night.)

As far as my eating: Ate a whole batch of brownies yesterday! I'm grabbing a lot of bread and chocolate. It's easy and quick and there. When I can breathe again, I'll start back. But I'm maintaining my weight between 210 and 220!!! That being said (edited at 7:44 a.m.):

Sunday morning: 215.6
Monday morning: 213.6
Tuesday morning: 216.8
Wednesday morning: 213.8
This morning (Thurs): 213.8

Woohoo to me! That's it for now.


Twix said...

Feeling guilty about things that are beyond my control.

Glad that things are looking up for the kid. :) Have fun at the movies!

Vee and the Kid said...

Thanks, Twix. You're so thoughtful and supportive. I appreciate you.

Can you take one tiny step to gain a modicum of control?

I'm trying too. Vee

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

That's not a scale; it's a teeter-totter!

Vee and the Kid said...

Uh, yup!

TJ said...

Take care of yourself Vee! Sending good thoughts your way! xoxo

Vee said...

Gosh I am craving some brownies right now! Hey Vee! Thanks for checking in on me I am well. I only intended on taking a short break but it's been longer than expected. I just got tired. Like you I am maintaining right now and will start back on my journey soon enough.Happy Holidays to you!

Vee and the Kid said...

Thanks TJ. Means a lot.

Other Vee: Glad you're still around. Understand about the taking time off so let me know when you get back to it. I'll visit when I can!


Julie said...

I don't know how you do it Vee. You have your hands full every day and though you're not losing the weight you want to you maintaining for now so it's better then nothing.
Good luck on finding the right foods and combinations for the kid.
Take care and thank you for stopping by and your support.
Have a blessed evening.

Julie said...

All about baking powder. Just thought you'd like to know for sure no yeast in it.


Kimberly said...

Maintaining is a huge victory considering the weight of the world on your shoulders right now. I don't know if I could do as well.

Cammy said...

Maintaining is good. :) Hang in there!

Debbi Does Dinner Healthy said...

Don't say you "wish" you could go back to eating healthy. If it is important enough, you WILL figure it out! I know the kid thing is hard and certainly a priority but your health is a priority. MAKE the time and you will have success! Don't wish and hope, just DO it! :-)

Karen said...

That movie thing is so cool! Sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now. Hugs.

teresa said...

You're so wise to allow yourself to maintain right now if you need to. If only I'd been happy with that I wouldn't have gained back 30 pounds.
You'll be able to get going again soon.
I haven't posted every time, but I've been reading and thinking of you..
You're so strong and I'm so sorry to hear that you have migraines and haven't slept!
big hug!