Support Group Time: What do you feel most guilty about?
Here's my weekly update:
(1) Kid still alive; did NOT commit suicide and only talked about it once. Meds doing great, and we have more therapy coming up. PLUS found out that AMC theaters around the country are having a special viewing of the latest installment of the Chronicles of Narnia for autistic children, with lights up, sound down, and the rules relaxed so kids can jump and dance and have fun and be themselves ... so we're planning on having a fun morning this Saturday.
(2) Exercised a little: for about a week, boogied when waiting for water to heat up in the microwave, also while feeding the livestock (boy you should see me dance around with chickens following me like the Pied Piper with a baggie full of bread!), exercycled last night for 30 minutes AND rearranged furniture upstairs.
(3) Writing: Didn't get a LOT done, but did do some. Mostly research on OCD and autistic teens and how to take care of them. Not going to bring in money, but maybe I can get an e-book out of it. Later.
Things are looking a little bit better with the Kid. Wish I could get back to eating healthy but I'm just hanging on here. Enticing the Kid with gluten-free mini pumpkin pies, favorite berries, and more. Preventing "suicide by starvation" here!
Hmmm... wonder if the Kid decided on that as the preferred method of suicide BECAUSE I'm fat and sees me struggling with food. Oh no, I can't think about that now. That's just more guilt.
Nope. Not now.
I haven't really slept well in like 5-6 years, and it's getting worse. I average about 3-5 hours a night, and those aren't restful hours. My prescribed sleeping pills don't help and I'm too claustrophobic for my CPAP machine. I get migraines 2-5 times a week but on the upside, those meds DO put me to sleep for a few hours. Ahhh..
Last night I got about 3 hours of sleep, and it really wasn't restful so when my chickens started sqwaking at 7:14, it was no big deal for me to get up and look in on them. (They're mad because I took 2 from one pen and put them in another last night.)
As far as my eating: Ate a whole batch of brownies yesterday! I'm grabbing a lot of bread and chocolate. It's easy and quick and there. When I can breathe again, I'll start back. But I'm maintaining my weight between 210 and 220!!! That being said (edited at 7:44 a.m.):
Sunday morning: 215.6
Monday morning: 213.6
Tuesday morning: 216.8
Wednesday morning: 213.8
This morning (Thurs): 213.8
Woohoo to me! That's it for now.
Yet another delay - I honestly started back on my writing, while preparing to get the house ready to sell and monitoring my son's epilepsy ... then it happened. Another lump ...