I want to binge because of wheat

I had wheat today. It's hard to say no to my dad's TMH (too much heavy) burgers. He has a special recipe he invented for these 2-inch thick burgers, with velveeta melted on top. And he expects me to eat them when I go over. I tried to explain to him that I can't have the bun but ...

Nope, can't blame it on him. **I** take the blame. **I** decided to eat the bun, albeit a half a bun.

But I can't have wheat. It gives me a rash (dermatitis herpetiformis) and I've recently discovered, it makes me crave MORE wheat.

MAJOR cravings.

So around 6:00 tonight, I had one of his TMH burgers with onions, mayo, catsup and mustard. AND raw spinach leaves and one baby carrot. I split the burger bun with Hubby but still, it was half a jumbo bun, half of 38 carbs, half of 200 calories, and 100% too much wheat. Then I had another burger (with just mayo and onion, no bun or anything else).

By the time my sister and her kids left to go home, I was shaking. CRAVING wheat. Eying the donuts. The buttered bread. A tortilla. A cake. Pie. Anything.

I reached for the donuts. The ONLY thing that stopped me was that the box was still sealed. I had gotten so many compliments on how much weight that I'd lost that I didn't want to show how weak I was by being the first one to open the box of donuts.

So I grabbed one of my Kid's gluten-free chocolate-chip brownies and gobbled that down.

Then I took a snack-size milk chocolate hershey bar and ate that.

Then I ate one tablespoon of my dark chocolate chips.

Now I'm sitting here, drinking some decafe iced tea, with my tallied carbs and calories on my spreadsheet, and really regretting having the bun.

Carbs: 72.9
Caloires: 1628.8

These numbers aren't too too too bad, but still... the wheat got me.

My Kid's birthday is Friday, and we're allowing him to have a wheat day. Lots of family we haven't seen will be there. So his meal of choice is pepperoni pizza, chocolate cake with white icing, and one of those big chocolate chip cookies. Plus vanilla ice cream.

He's pretty considerate. He'll understand if I make something else for me.

I just can't keep doing this.

I'm miserable.

And I want a loaf of bread. With butter. And another burger. And ...


I'm gonna drink my tea, get ready for bed, and go watch TV until this feeling passes.


Michele said...

I am catching up on blog reading now that I am back from fall break. So this comment will cover the past few posts that you have done.

I think it is great that you got out with only a little over 1600 calories. Honestly, that is a great milestone for you, for any one of us. All those temptations.

I will respond to these two questions, too:
Support Group Time:
1. When you get a craving, what do you do?
Have a bite. I am living this journey by not feeling deprived. A bite is enough for me, most of the time. I also budget calories in advance so I can look forward to some of the foods I really like.
2. What puts a sparkle in your eyes?
Seeing one of the grandbabies!

Scuttleboose said...

Wow, what a struggle! At least you found things that work for you, AND you identified what behavior (or substance, in this case) makes you crave. That's half the battle - of course, it's always hard to eat well when you have pressure from loved ones... What can I say except I'm sending big hugs your way!