Need a quick meal? And CRAVINGS.

All the basic food groups: starting at 12:00 and going clockwise: dried peas, cashews, dried blackberries, rice crackers, dried blueberries, roasted soy beans.

We usually add some baby carrots and raw baby spinach leaves too, but for some reason, they didn't get in this picture!

Of course, we've recently discovered he can't tolerate soy or cashews, but you get the picture. Right?

Just a typical gluten-free snack meal for my Kid when I don't feel like cooking!

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I can't seem to stop craving peanut butter and chocolate chips! I expected to be losing weight again, but this daily snack is hindering my weight loss.

I seem to be losing my momentum. You can just at my numbers to see how much my weight loss has slowed down. I know I should verbally re-commit myself to my getting-healthy plan, but I feel like I can't. The words aren't there. It's stuck in my throat (fingers) and won't come out.

What got me through my last craving attack? I can't seem to remember. It's all fuzzy. Not that I have a good memory; side effect from insomnia, besides being tired, is a fuzzy memory. But honestly, as I lay here in bed at 4:44 in the morning, I can't remember how I handled my last craving attack. Was it the pizza or cheeseburgers? I didn't get them, that much I know. Did I exercise until thoughts of it left? No, I don't think so.

Reading back through my blog doesn't help. I try not to bore you with my intense cravings; I'm sure people wouldn't come back if I wrote every time I craved. And it is every day.

Just like cigarettes. I quit smoking when I got pregnant over 14 years ago. Had my Kid, and about 10 years later, started smoking again. It would take a month to go through a pack, but still, smoking is smoking. I gave it up again 4 years ago to get married. And still, I crave nearly every day. I get through these cravings by just not having any at all.

I can't do that with my food addiction. I have to eat or I'll die.

But I want to eat. I want the taste in my mouth. Is that it? That's what I've always said. I love the saltiness and tang of peanut butter, and the sweet melty of dark chocolate chips. But do I really need a whole tablespoon? If it was really the taste, wouldn't just a finger-swipe of pb do?

No, it has to be something more.

Am I so stressed out about the upcoming family obligations that I want to sabotage myself before they even happen? I know I'll be blasted for being fat. And I'm not happy with the clothes I have to wear. Then there's always the standby concern of finances.

I suppose it could all of these.

I've been trying to get pregnant but I took a test last week and it was negative. I'm pretty old (nearly) 50 so my lack of TOM could just be hormones. The other way. That in itself is a bummer and a stressor.

Never the skinny girl wrote today that people around her are waiting for her to fail. It gave me pause. Are the people around ME waiting for ME to fail? No, I don't think so. Not many people I know in real life know that I'm working to get healthy. A few do. Those I've told on the phone haven't seen me at my highest and don't have a clue how big I got, or still am.

No, it's not that.

Am I lazy? Damn right. I HATE to exercise. Always have.

Maybe I just need to get on the exercycle today. Just sit on there, pedal, and read. Relax. Not think about the peanut butter and choc chips in the pantry. Not think about the family thing. Not think about money problems. Or the piles of laundry. Or the million chores I have to do.

Just get back on path.

Because yes, I'm still motivated. Yes, intellectually I understand HOW to lose weight and get healthy. Yes, we have healthy food here, and I have lots cooked and in the freezer. Yes, I'm drinking LOTS of ice water and iced-tea. And eating my 4-alarm low-carb chili to rev up my metabolism. And I'm exercising (but probably not as much as I could be). And yes, I'm increasing my fiber intake by adding a few more veggies to my day. Trying to, anyway.

But ... every afternoon, the peanut butter and chocolate chips call to me.

I seem to be falling back into old patterns:

What I want, I eat. Whenever I want it.

Must be stress.

Help!

Sorry I rambled for so long but I really am stressing about this. I think I'm gonna exercycle later this morning. Any other thoughts?

12 comments:

Christina said...

Thank you for mentioning me in your post. I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way and there really is no easy solution. Like you said wouldn't just a dab satisfy your craving but your answer was no. For me if I want something sweet I can have one bite and I'm happy but it sounds like you can't stop with that. Honestly if I was you and knowing that I can't fight that craving I would not have that stuff in the house unless you are willing to exercise hardier to make up for what you are eating. I know its hard and its sucks that we can't just eat whatever we want and we have to exercise but if we truly want to lose weight and be healthier its the sacrifice we have to make. Just keep asking yourself what is more important, being healthy and losing weight or the peanut butter and chocolate chips? For me its definitely the getting healthy and losing weight part. There is no food worth what I'm gaining right now and thats my health. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you make it over this hill because on the other side is a smooth ride down.

Vee said...

Thanks, Christina. I was doing good with eating only a tablespoon of choc chips a night, but lately, I want more than just a tablespoon.

I think I need to put it away. Or have my Kid hide them.

Vee

South Beach Steve said...

This is interesting to read because I have been there so many times. In fact, I wrote a post some time back about this very thing. I think there are times we have to quit worrying about moving forward and hold on to what we have. It is not that I am against having goals to move forward, but when it gets tough sometimes it is worthwhile to just hold on. The tough times pass soon enough. The motivation comes back. The progress begins again.

You can do this Vee! I know you can. Do what you can to get through today - to make today a great day. You CAN do this!

Karen said...

I am so impressed with that snack:)

Now, about peanut butter. I had developed a huge problem with it not too long ago and was craving it and eating it too much and too often. I will put a link here just in case you want to go back and read my post about the last jar that ended this overeating http://waistingtimeblog.com/2010/08/13/the-day-the-spoons-disappeared/ I got a lot of comments this day and others suggesting I just needed to get it out of my house. One of the comments finally connected and I literally got up from the keyboard and threw the jar in the trash and that was that. I am sharing this because maybe you should try the same drastic action. For me, I don't view this as a permanent banishment from my life, just long enough so that I don't crave it, think about it, want it. Good luck:)

Amy @ Findingfitme said...

Look at how far you have come. Are you sure the Peanut Butter is causing the stall in weigh or maybe you are so much lcoser to goal so the progress is slower. If you are using the real PB stuff (not skippy, etc) than its not bad for you if you stay in control with portion.

Maybe a full elmination might be in order, like Karen above did.

I am a stress eater too. I have to fight it tooth and nail.

Amy (Hot 100)

Twix said...

His snack looks good!

I'd agree, throw it in the trash. Take the trash out of the house.
Then go for a long walk or a ride, take the kid with ya.

This to shall pass. :)

Jovia said...

Mostly everything you wrote seems so familiar, it could have been me writing it. Know that you are definately not alone with the way you've been feeling lately, I struggle thru it everyday. The important part is that you are still trying. Don't let upcoming stresses mess with your head now, just push it out of your head and deal with it when it comes. And when it does, hold your head high because at least your doing something. :)

Call Me Ishmael said...

Oh Vee! Hang in there. As Steve said, this phase WILL pass. The most important thing is that you are sticking with your exercise and not completely chucking everything out the window. I too have really struggled with how to handle my food addictions. Some days it's so easy..others, well..I don't need to tell you. Cravings are frustrating and sucky, and something we all must deal with. How we handle the down phases as well as the up phases is of critical importance -- vital skills are learned. Above all, when i have a hard time, I cling to the knowledge that no matter what I eat, or how much I eat, it's not going to make my problem or stress go away, and it's not going to make me feel any better. Hang in there -- you are doing great!

Mind Over Fatter said...

If I were in your shoes I would get rid of the stuff too. My problem is when I allow myself some and say "I am taking a break and I'm get back on track", I then have a little of something else, then something else, etc. My hard line track has to be to stick with the foods that are helping me, not the ones that will sabotage my progress. Chuck it out!

Michele said...

This question spoke to me: Are the people around ME waiting for ME to fail?

But what I am wondering is: are you waiting for yourself to fail? Do you see yourself as a failure?? Because, you are not. Anyone that blogs and commits themselves to blogging is not a failure but a success in my book. I have no secrets for you for your cravings. But what I can say is that after almost 4 months, I, too, am in a little funk. I have been close to losing 20 pounds (18.75-19 off) for over a month. I have slacked off a bit in my calorie counting, so I know what I need to do. But, I do not see myself as a failure, because I am holding my own. Like yow. Holding. You will move forward and more pounds will come off. Patience, my blogger friend, patience. Michele

Fat Grump said...

You have received so much good advice (above) that I can't really add to it.

I just wanted to say that every word you wrote rang sd]o true for me! I expect many of us can relate to all you are going through. There have been days when I have wanted to drown in a bath full of whipped cream - and I just didn't care! I got sick of denial.

It's a blip, and it may last a while, (been there!) but looking at your weight loss, you have done SO well. Go with it for a while whilst not sabotaging all your good work. A LITTLE bit of what you fancy does you good. Sometimes we have to throw out the guilt and love ourselves a bit more and appreciate that we are worth a few food sacrifices. It's easier to get back on track when we care about ourselves. Guilt trips tend to grow and become destructive.

Best wishes. You'll get round this.

Pippa said...

I'm commenting now that you are through this glitch, Vee, so I'm glad that you're out the other side with greater resolve.

I've posted today about cravings, too, and I will certainly post some more, but what I want to say to you (and I think you've got this already) is connected to that thing of failing, whether it is someone else waiting for you to fail, or yourself.

What finally made all the difference to me in staying focused on my goals is that I need my self-respect MORE than I need that craving-food - I need my self-respect MORE than anything that's going to make me fail. Being overweight really eats into one's self-respect. Continually failing, ditto. It took me a while to realize I had to give that much-needed self-respect to MYSELF!

You're on the right way, girl!