Clothing Conundrum and Hot-100 Update

I have a situation. A conundrum. (I love that word!). In a few weeks, I will be seeing people (okay, family) who I haven't seen in a while. A few have seen me close to my heaviest (299 pounds), and some have seen me at around 250 pounds but most haven't seen me since I went into the 200's.

Almost all of them are judgemental. Almost all of them will say something to me about my weight and diabetes (that runs in the family) and ALL of them will discuss me after we leave.

But I have to see them. Even tho it will be hard. My Kid needs to meet some of these people. They are, after all, family.

My problem? I don't have anything that fits! My heaviest at 299 pounds was a size 4x (26/28). I have all sizes down to 2X and XL (1X). But nothing really fits.

So I had my Kid take pictures of me in various clothing... your opinion? Or should I just go to Wally World and get some black leggings in my size, and a couple of black shirts/tops/sweaters?




First up, blue stretchy pants and a light green hoodie-long-sleeve top. Fits now but was tight last Spring.






Next up, teal-colored tank and black leggings. They are both new (on the $3 rack at Wally World). They are both one size lower than what I am right now and am desparately hoping I'll get into them in the next few weeks. Don't worry, I won't wear them in public until I fit in them.

Note that I took my hair down for this pic!




This third pic has the same black leggings coz I didn't feel like changing but I've added a green and black shirt that I wore last year. It was tight then but not so much any more.

Aw geez. I still look fat.






Fourth pic: I have the same black leggings on here (uh yeah, lazy), a gray tank top and a red sweater I got at Goodwill for $2.99.

Not so sure I like it, but I don't tuck anything in because it makes me look even fatter.

And yeah, I have a weird expression on my face. I hate having my pic taken, and my Kid kept saying "Smile, Mom!". Yech.






Fifth pic: Got my hair in a braid for this one. Woohoo! Nah, I was just tired of having my hair in my way. No big deal.

So this pic has a purple top I only just now fit in, and another Goodwill find: a blue sweater. Doesn't seem to fit, does it? Maybe if I lose another 10 pounds?





And this sixth pic is my new jammies and yeah, I have more weight-losing to do before I fit in them. I look so pregnant in these Betty Boop pj's! Ugh!






That's it for now. I'm so puzzled and frustrated. And completely embarrassed. I'm still at the point where I hate that I allowed myself to get all huge and disgusting. Yes, I still feel disgusting.

I spent most of yesterday going through boxes so I could claim my front room. Those boxes that were put there when we moved here in March and not moved again. Yeah, got a bug up my you-know-what and just did it. Thing is, I found some clothing I had worn when my Kid was a infant (along with lots of baby clothes) and I was actually in an XL when he was a baby. I thought I'd remember being in 18/20 or larger. Guess not.

Anyway, I hate trying on clothes and I hate shopping, but these outfits are what kinda fits. All of my other clothes are way too big. So ... start all over at Wally? Get all black? I don't have much money so I need to get about 5 outfits for under $50.

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On a different note, I awoke at 2:52 this morning with coyotes howling under my window. I threw on some pants, turned on the light and ran out the back door. Perhaps it was my bedroom light going on, or the sound of the back door creaking open, but the coyotes slinked away. I stood out, in the cold, calling to my girls (goats) to see if they were ok. They finally stirred in their warm house, making me feel better. Still, chickens don't move much in the dark, and certainly don't make noise. So I went back inside and down the stairs, in the dark. My poor rabbit jumped around in her home, scared to death. I peered through our downstairs window at the two chicken coops, counting heads. All safe. Whew.

Took a very long time to get my heart to stop racing so I could go back to sleep.

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This cold weather is really hard on my hands (carpal tunnel). I can't keep milking. Not that I was doing it right anyway, but with my own weird movements, I got about half a gallon out of our nubian goat each day. Now that the weather has started turning wet and cold, it's misery. Tuesday's milking (only a quart... bummer) left my hands clutched in place, could barely carry the pan to the kitchen ... pain for hours, until I took an arthritis pill. Then a second one. So... we've changed the schedule to milk once a day, starting yesterday (Wednesday). In about a month, we'll stop all together and hope she doesn't get mastitis. And hope she'll be preggers by then.

Still have the plugged up ear (allergy to hay and chickens). Some of my other symptoms are also getting worse: migraines, etc. Is it just the cold weather or nerves about seeing my family?

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HOT 100 UPDATE:
This was a sucky week for my goals because ...

(1) I tried adding a carb meal to each day but that just added weight (for instance, Monday I was down to 210 but two days of healthy carb meals [whole grains, more fruit, milk] and I gained 3 pounds so no carb meal yesterday).

(2) I got sidetracked getting our place ready for Winter. Still so much more to do but I'd say another week or two and we'll be ready. Except we still need a warmer chicken coops. And cover the deck so the hay underneath doesn't get wet. And need more propane, firewood and lots more hay. And need to cover next year's cornfield with alpaca poo so it will break down during the winter. But we're expecting snow this coming Monday or Tuesday so we don't have another week or two.

Anyway: goals and progress:
(1) 185 pounds (last Thursday's weight: 212.8): today's weight: 212.0, a loss of only .8 lbs

(2) exercycle 1 hr 3x/wk or 3 hrs/wk total: exercycled 1 hour

(3) write/finish 3 e-books: some research, no writing