Yesterday I posted about eating a whole cake the day before. I appreciate the comments. I really do. And I thought about them. But, well, I did it again. Except this time it was a chocolate turtle cake with buttercream chocolate frosting. Another whole entire cake, WalMart discounted to $4.80.

I don't know what's gotten into me. I was doing so great. Losing weight. Feeling great. Then boom, situations happened, I stopped caring about me and my health, and now I've put back on 23 pounds. YES, since Nov 1 or so, I've put back on that much weight.

And between the chocolate and the weight gain, I'm severely, hugely depressed. Dealing with my problem marriage. My Kid's situation. My family. My finances. My writing. My health.

Nothing seems to matter.

I can't focus on anything.

I just want to sleep.

And wake up thin.

And healthy.

I know I'll get back to it. I took a "break" last year, remember? But I didn't gain last time. This time, I did. Rather, I am.

Just wanna cry.

God. How depressing this post is.

Today is a new day. Right? Do-Overs... isn't that what you said, Yum Yucky? And Miz-Fit... another 24 hours. One moment at a time. Lanie: yes, I would NOT have put that in front of my kid so why on earth did I get it for me? Cathy, please don't follow my example ... nothing good can come from a gorge/binge.

That's what I did. I binged. Even when I told someone I was in the midst of it, and she said "stop", I didn't. My response? "Can't leave this uneaten 1/4th of a cake just sitting here."

Ridiculous, right?


Deep breath.

Today is another day. A new day. One moment, and one choice at a time.

Edited at 8:52 a.m.: Back on track. Read about it tomorrow!


Lanie Painie said...

OH Vee . . .

You are so strong to confess your binges. Go ahead and have a good cry. It sounds like you are overdue for one. Or twelve. Or more.

It's okay to throw cake in the garbage, really. Now stay away from the bakery markdowns. REALLY.

E-mail me if you need to talk. Sounds like could benefit from some girl-time. <3

Cammy said...

So sorry you're struggling!

One positive step you can take is to stay out of Walmart. Or take only enough cash in to pay for what you need. Cake, you don't need.

Cathy said...

Vee, I know some of what you are going through with your kid. Waking up thin wouldn't fix your problems, but eating whole cakes .... well that will make everything so much worse. But you know that. Are you willing to swear off sugar entirely? I have, and wow, it has made a big difference for me, in so many ways. Cake is one of my few sugary weaknesses, eliminating it for me is for the best (my own birthday excepted when I devoured gobs of chocolate torte).

Twix said...

Stop it! Right now!

I know there was and has and is still a lot of things going on. And YES is does seem overwhelming. YOU can't do it all in one moment or one day. There is one thing you can do right now. That you have control of. YOU. Yes you. Put down the 3rd cake. GO GET YOUR SHOES AND COAT ON. RIGHT NOW. And go outside for a long cold walk, even if it's around and around the yard. RIGHT NOW. Think about you and what you want for you. No not the house. No not the man. No not this blog. No not the kid. Or the chickens. Or the goats. Or any of that stuff. JUST YOU. Think about what you want for you. No not that you're a failure or any of that bs. Think about VEE how special she is and how much she deserves your positive attention. And release to the universe all the other crap you have crowding the oxygen out. Take a deap breath. Do it again and again. And when your ready go back inside. Make yourself something hot to drink and then go soak in the shower or tub a while. Tell them all they will just have to deal with it, your ON STRIKE. Then go lay down with a warm blanket and take a nap. I know it's a lot to remember but you go do all of this for you. TAKE CARE OF YOU.

Don't make me call you and scream in your ear while you consume another cake! ;-) I'll come through the line and throttle you.