Day 49 Mon I messed up big time

Up early to pack Hubby's breakfast and lunch.. tension thick but we did kiss goodbye. Sigh. Maybe we'll talk tonight.

Pre-Milking Snack: 1 Fiber One Strawberry Yogurt

Back to bed for 30 minutes then up to get my Kid up to milk the goat. He piddled around at breakfast so I finally told him finish eating when we get back! We were almost an hour late to milk! I got some hay for the goats while I waited for him to put on his socks and shoes (ah come on!), milked, strained, made cheese (for mom-in-law) while he piddled around some more. Washed some fruit for us to eat... ate.

Breakfast: 1/3 cup homemade goat cheese, 11 red cherries, 1/2 cup red grapes

Worked on son's schoolwork.

Lunch: 10 tiger shrimp with cocktail sauce, peach yogurt, 1 tbs dark chocolate chips

I couldn't stop myself. I lost it. Needed to make some bread for mom-in-law. But the smell of yeast bread baking is too powerful. You have no idea how hard it is for me to NOT eat the bread because I make delicious cinnamon-walnut yeast bread.

Snack: 1/4 loaf of my homemade bread, then another 1/4 so total of half a 1 1/2 pound loaf. Then I had go-gurt and 3 gluten-free shortbread cookies.

Miserable. Absolutely miserable. Not just the guilt, but also my gut because wheat (gluten) messes with me physically and hormonely. I did soon after go take a walk and play with my goats (thanks, Lynn, Twix and Cammy). Gave the chickens some treats. Collected one lone egg. Checked on my squash, tomato, pepper and cantaloupe plants. Weeded and fed the weeds to the chickens and goats. Then came inside and made another loaf of bread; this one will actually get to mom-in-law. Gonna have Hubby tell her I can't do bread any more. It's too much a temptation. Hope she understands. Hey, at least she's getting homemade goat cheese and a dozen home-laideggs every week!

Dinner: I'm just gonna have a low-sodium V8 and drink water.

Ugh. Today's Numbers (including the V-8)
Carb: 244.8
Fat: 55.6
Calories: 1795.0

Exercycle: 23 minutes for 200 calories. Gonna get back on it in a little. Hoping to, anyway.

I'm sorry I messed up. I have to find a better way to deal with my stress.

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Actually, my Kid is almost 14 and gets his own breakfast. I provide the milk and cereal or gf bread or whatever and he fixes it himself. He doesn't have to eat if he doesn't want to but he's taller than me (he's 5'8") and going through a growth spurt. He's a bottomless pit. No, I think he hides a book under the tablecloth or seat. Who knows. He also paces. He has troubles focusing and concentrating because of a problem we had with a brief stint on ritalin. He's pretty much a good kid but the strain between Hubby and me is getting to him, and he's usually in the middle of the "discussions".

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The following was what I **planned** on writing. Now... well, I just don't want to erase it, but I know today's weight gain was my bad choice. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

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I wish I could attribute my weight gain to being that time of the month, but since I haven't had one of those times in about 7 months (I'm getting close to 50), I'm pretty sure it's not that. I'd also like to say I'm pregnant (been trying for almost 4 years) but I'm pretty sure I'd notice it by now.

No, I'm just gaining. And hoping that it was a fluke. Or maybe the stress of a strained marriage that's putting it back on.

I want some chocolate.

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And some more bread. And a nap.


TJ said...

bread is a hard one for me to stay away from too. I want it so bad- that is why I do not buy it. :( You were brave for making it- I bet the smell was delicious! YIKES! Here's to a better tomorrow! :)

Cammy said...

Honestly, Vee? 1800 calories just isn't that bad. I understand that you feel like you let yourself down, but you're only a little over for the day. Not fatal.

One thing I'll offer, by way of unsolicited advice, is that your body still needs the nutrition from dinner. And that's all I'm going to say about that. :)

wishing you a better tomorrow!

Twix said...

I can't express how PROUD I am of you! VERY!!! You didn't eat the whole loaf! YAY! Go you!! You didn't fail, you succeeded. So smile because you're AWESOME!!

Vee said...

TJ: Yes, the smell was amazing. I think that's what got me. It's too tempting so I'm not gonna bake her bread any more.

Cammy: I know, 1800 wasn't too overboard, but it was hard to stop right there. I probably should have eaten more dinner, but my stomach hurt so bad that the V8 (and water) was the only thing I could face.

Twix: it was VERY hard to not eat the other half of the loaf. And to say "well, I've already blown it, might as well go into town for a cheeseburger", etc.

Thanks a lot. I appreciate your support. Vee