Day 44 Wed Support while I get healthy

Pre-Milking Snack: 1/4 cup homemade goat cheese, 1 tablespoon natural peanut butter

Breakfast: boiled egg, 1/2 Tb mayo, 1/2 tsp spicy brown mustard, 11 red cherries

Lunch: 4 gf cookies (big mistake ... couldn't stop myself!), tuna salad

Dinner: half cucumber (diced), 1 roma tomato, 1 tbsp olive oil, 1/2 zucchini, 1 egg

Calories Burned on Exercycle: 193

Today's Numbers:
Carbs: 108.5
Fat: 115.5
Calories: 1488.0

= = = =

Didn't get much sleep last night. My Kid is terrified of spiders, and comes running upstairs around midnight screaming that there was a huge spider in his room. I helped settle him on a couch with pillows and covers and a nightlight (no jokes) then went back to bed. Lay awake listening to make sure he could go to sleep.

Gonna talk about support today. It's really hard to do this without people supporting me. I have a lot of food issues, plus I really LOVE sandwiches and sweets. It's hard. Hubby isn't too supportive, offering to get me a cheeseburger or chocolate bar if I'm feeling depressed. When we go to Village Inn, sometimes he orders a dish that I used to get, and I'm sitting there with my eggs and fruit or cottage cheese and salad. It's really hard. He knows I weigh on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday but doesn't ask how it came out. That hurts.

I guess that's why I blog. I need support. People telling me I'm doing well and keep on going. Or when I get stuck... people telling me to stick with it, or count calories, or ... the other numerous wonderful kick-in-the-butt but sweet comments I get.

Told one of my sisters yesterday that I'm dieting. No one else in my family knows. Barely anyone I know personally, for that matter. I don't see her very often as she lives in New York and in France, but we're planning to meet in KY (family) this Fall. After commending me, the first question she asked was "Is Hubby supporting you?". I didn't want to answer truthfully. We've only been married 3 years or so and she's never met him, but I did finally answer. "No, not really."

Gee, I sure hope he doesn't read my blog. He says he doesn't. Guess I'll find out.

But despite that, my weigh in yesterday showed I am doing well even without his support. That's ok. I have to do this for myself, and for my son. I have to be around to see him grow up and realize his dreams (he wants to make movies). I have to be here to help him become a man who can be respected, admired and loved. I have to set a good example for him. My beautiful 6' red-headed baby is my reason. Well, second to myself.

= = = =

Anyway... to my day. Didn't go back to sleep after packing Hubby's breakfast and lunch and he left (5:30 a.m.!!). Took my vitamins and ate my pre-milking breakfast (measuring carefully!). Finished the James Patterson book I started yesterday. Exercised 10 minutes (arms, stomach). Milked the goat, strained, refrigerated. Fed the critters. Ate breakfast. Planned today's meals (well, tried to). Looked through "The Autism Cookbook" in hopes that I can help my Kid eat to help his symptoms.

Then I had a snack-attack and couldn't stop myself. I could blame it on the conversation with my sister and thinking about my childhood OR I could say it was because I saw them in the pantry and my hand moved on its own to pull them down. I ate the brownie-cookies yesterday, and the shortbread cookies today. Gonna ask Hubby to hide the rest of the boxes of cookies for me (it's either him or my son, who would probably eat them). Can't believe that I just wrote about support and two paragraphs later, I flip out over cookies. COOKIES! Why on earth?!?! I was doing so good.

Okay. Picking myself up and dusting myself off. I **can** do this. It's just food, right?

Besides, I decided that 1200 calories 5 days a week and 1500 calories 2 days a week is NOT ENOUGH. I'm changing it to 1500 calories 5 days a week and 1800 calories 2 days a week (Tue and Sat). If I don't lose weight on the increased calories, I'll reduce it again.

Also gonna try to increase my time on the exercycle. I can barely do one 10-minute session but I need to try to increase it. I hope I can do three sessions a day but my day gets so busy that I forget to get back to it.

= = = =

Okay... back to my day. Again! Exercycle for 20 minutes to burn 193 calories. Rest. Worked on son's schoolwork. Cleaned out the refrigerator. Did some minor household repairs. Hubby home. Dinner. Milked the goat, strained, refrigerated. Cleaned kitchen. Fed/watered/hayed critters. Watered garden.

I'm tired and have a headache. Too many cookies! Now I'm gonna shower and hit the bed with book in hand and TV in the background.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Added at 8:42 p.m.: Didn't shower and hit the hay. Decided to take our behind-the-house neighbor some of my homemade cheese (she helped me figure out how to milk the goat!). Walked with Hubby. Hordes of mosquitos descended on us. I made Hubby go get the car. Home and took a strong shower to help ease the itching ... have about 30 new bites. NEVER AGAIN! Anyone know of a good way to prevent mosquito bites?

And just because I was ticked off at the mosquitos, got on the exercycle, turned the tension up a notch, and biked another 10 minutes for 89 calories burned.

NOW ... gonna slather calamine lotion on me, take some pain reliever and go to bed! Argh!!!


Cammy said...

I love the support in the blogging community!

As for hubby...have you asked for his support or told him what you *need*? This is something I'm working on: asking for what I need. I tend to expect people to somehow just KNOW. (Oh, and I don't expect an answer here as it's such a personal question. Just throwing it out for consideration.*g*)

Calories? Yes! Honestly, I was wondering if that was enough, even though you seem to be getting all the important stuff in there. The good news is that you can always adjust downward a little, if necessary. Tinkering is fun! :)

kristi said...

I wanted an ice cream so bad today but I refrained! I watch my carbs so I figured it wasn't worth it. I am exercising every evening and it is hot out there and I am trying to lose but it is hard!!!

kristi said...

Another thing, that is why I love to blog! The support is awesome.

Vee said...

I did ask Hubby to support me. I asked him to hide the goodies. I asked him to remind me when I start to order something not on my diet. For once in my life, my focus needs to be on me, and I'm not getting it.

Thanks, Cammy. My weigh in tomorrow ain't gonna be great because of my cookies thing so the real test will show on Saturday.


Vee said...

Kristi: you must be stronger than I am. Hmmm... ice cream! I'll save that little treat for Labor Day weekend... will try to make it out of our goat milk.

So glad you came and commented. Thank you. Vee

Jovia said...

I know what it's like not having support from your significant other. My boyfriend also doesn't care much for asking how I'm doing, how much I've lost, how well I've been eating, etc. But I still manage to do alright by myself. You can too, just don't let it get you down.

Scuttleboose said...

I second Cammy - I've only been married for a year, but we have both learned that we have to clearly tell each other what we want / need, which might mean more than just hiding the cookies :)
Are the cookies a prelude to a binge? If you are restricting yourself sooooo much that you can't enjoy what you did before this lifestyle, you might just jump off the horse and say "Enough is enough". Not like I'm an expert, hahaha.